Something short, so that I can go to sleep

I told Sam that I liked Ting Ke today. But it wasn't really voluntary. I wanted to ask him about methods or ways to carry on or start a conversation with someone you like. And he suddenly blurted out, "Wait, the person that you like isn't Ting Ke right?" I never really thought much about what he said then, and I felt that yes, it's time for me to be a bro and reveal that I do.

Now that I have more time to think, I gotta wonder: What's with the sudden outburst? Does it really matter who the person I like is? And when I later revealed to him that Sensei has been "feeding" me information about her, he got really interested again and asked what was said information. Didn't relay that to him. Does... he like her also? Or maybe they're already in a relationship. I.... tend to notice a lot more subtle stuff than most other people. Though, it is always my conjectures and nothing else. No hard facts, no concrete truths. So... Naturally, I will arrive at the conclusion that he either likes her or they're already in a relationship. He told me time and again that he already has a Japanese girlfriend, but I have no idea how true that is.

I hate this part of me. My experiences in secondary school has moulded me into becoming a naturally suspicious, inquisitive and wild thinking person. I always end up thinking that everybody could and will stab me in the back given an opportunity. But Sam could just be an uber bro and is asking about my love life and well-being, as I've been complaining about that a lot. If this is the case (which it most likely is), wouldn't that make me a Grade A asshole for doubting him?

Attempting to change this habit of mine isn't easy at all. My life in the past had a lot of people stabbing me in the back and myself doing likewise. But I have somebody that I truly like now. I have to change. I only have about 3 months left. I'm eventually going to confess. If she rejects me, yes, I'll probably wallow in self pity and denial for several days and possibly cry a lot. But.... this time, I can proudly say that I tried and never gave up.