Hollow Time

Two blog posts in one day. Seperate blogs, seperate content. Makes it really hard for me to think up of what to write in this one.

So yeah, I cleaned up the rest of my room with my brother today. It's friggin clean now, and there's a lot more space to move around, luckily. If we buy anymore mangas though, I'd have to get a damn bookshelf. During the clean-up, I came across plenty of stuff from my secondary school days. Nostalgic, yes. Happy, no. It was during secondary school that I'm a major dickwad to all my friends. So naturally, coming across stuff from my secondary school brought back those unhappy memories that I'm trying to bury inside. I chucked out most of them, keeping only my class photos, and a few O Level books my sister might need.

Maybe I'm still a major fuckhead right now, but it sure beats my attitude in secondary school. To save face, I lie. To get out of a major problem I didn't want to handle, I lied. Now that I look back to it, I wasn't acting like a human being at all. During those times, most of my friends abandoned me because they had enough of my attitude. They were right to do so. I found Mel and Jona during sec 3, or rather, they found me instead. I was still a dick at that point of time, and I dragged them down into plenty of shit. I've pissed them off. I did plenty of stuff I weren't meant to do. At one point, I felt that they have totally abandoned my sorry ass. That was one year after we graduated. I went into a state of 'emoness', thinking negatively for just about everything. Some time later, they talked to me again. I snapped out of emoness and carried on with my life. Thinking back, I never did apologise to them for being such a dickhead. Then again, I never did apologise to my other friends as well. Mainly because I didn't want to dig up unhappy memories while doing so.


It may be too late to apologise now, and I don't think most people will ever see this apology, but here goes.

First of all, I'm sorry Ernest, for accusing you of doing something I did during our RO days. It was a real dick move of mine, and I sincerely apologise for it. You and the gang were right to ignore me during then.

I'm sorry Yue Min, for resorting to fists when you didn't return my money. I should have understood you were hard on cash during that time, and I still forced you to do so. My deepest apologies.

I'm sorry Lee Kian, for being such a dick to you during Sec 1. I don't even remember what occured to make me dislike you at that point of time anymore. In any case, it was very immature of me to do so, and I sincerely apologise for it.

I'm sorry Mel and Jona, for being such a douchebag at that time. I think you guys know when. I thought I was alone at that time when you guys were there with me all along. I also don't recall what spurred me to make those posts at my old blog, but still, it came out of my head, and so, I apologise for it. And thank you guys for sticking with me, no matter how much of a dick I am.

I'm sorry to all the people I've pissed off in general. But rest assured, the me now is not the same as the me from secondary school. If you guys would ever forgive me, you'll find out I'm not that douchebag you once knew. I still piss people off occasionally... but that's how I am.

... and that's it.

Part of the reason I didn't want to go back to RO anymore even when Borny and Mel kept asking me to is because once I play, I was reminded of the unhappy past. Thinking about it, these unhappy memories may be what's holding me back from doing greater things. This may also be the empty feelings I've described a few posts back. Typing all these things down makes me feel a little bit better. But I still have this empty feeling inside of me. It may be because I didn't apologise to my friends in person. This little man inside of my head asked me,"Why don't you apologise to them in person then?'. It's simple, I lack the balls to do so. However, when I finally have large enough balls, I will apologise to each and everyone in person.

The gang may not ever see these apologies, but it does make me feel a little bit better inside after typing all this thoughts down. I need to empty my mind for something even more major. Drawing. Remember the 4/2 manga I said I'd draw? Don't worry guys, I haven't forgotten about it. I promise that one day, this particular manga series will hit the bookstores worldwide. I will be successful in doing so. When that day finally comes. Please purchase a copy of it (or the whole manga series) and look back to our past.

When that magical moment comes, maybe you guys can finally forgive me for all that I've done in the past.