End of a long year

Within the blink of an eye, we're at the end of another year. One more year shaved off my life. It's been a pretty eventful year, many of which is because of army. Just on a side note, throughout my whole army life so far, I've only made four blog posts, with this being my fifth. I remember myself being way more active with the updating of my blog when I was back in secondary school and polytechnic. The blog now only serves as a wall of sorts to "talk" to whenever I have something on my mind though. Enough about that though.

These few days, I've been feeling... afraid, for lack of a better word. Afraid of a future that may never come to past. Afraid of challenges and the treacherous road ahead. Am I really capable of being a mangaka? Even if I am, will I be able to support myself, much less a family in the future? I'm going into this completely blind, and to my knowledge, I'm the only one within my circle of friends that's going into something drawing related. So I'm blind and alone. Kind of a good reason to feel afraid if you ask me. Why am I only thinking of this now when I should long come to terms with the future of my life? I have no idea. Heh. I guess this is what a long break off army does to you. Makes you think a little too much.

I rarely get a chance to practice my art too, being in the army and all. Although, that's just a convenient excuse I use to cover up my biggest sin of all. Sloth. Ever since I lost my entire manuscript worth of story for my VN and manga a few months back when a virus ate my hard drive, I've been neglecting to write as well. Everything has just... evaporated. It's depressing just thinking about it. And come to think of it, my previous blog post was something similar as well. Procrastination. Sloth. Greed. Envy. Negativity. I wonder if I'll ever break out of this cycle.